Category Archives: Inside thoughts

Sauna Thoughts

I had to get out of the apartment this morning. The boyfriend pointed out I may be a little tense. I made my way to the sauna in the basement of our building. I read a few pages, but more so wanted to think about why I was so noticeably tense. I thought it could be because I am the only person I know who is feeling this certain way about this celebrated holiday today, December 25. 

I have slowly stopped believing in religion and I’m not into materialistic things all that much, not enough to go purchase them for everyone I know. Clearly, my feelings in a nutshell about this “holiday”.

I started the season telling myself I’m just a bah-humbug this year, but as the day got closer and plans were denied in traveling across the nation to family or visa versa, I knew it was a deeper feeling inside me.  

Change of pace, someone drew this lovely image in the parking lot below my window which I got to wake up to this morning.



There Are Some Things I Can’t Forget

Like a conversation with best friend years ago as to when to clean your ears; before or after your shower.

Like when I first started shaving my legs, I asked that same best friend if she shaved her legs in sections (thigh, knee, calf and shin). My mom responded before she could, “Emily, duh.” As if I was already supposed to know.

Like a similar “duh” my mom gave me when I paused her story to ask what a word meant that she kept using.

Like when I was having a birthday sleepover at twelve years old and my high school sister came trampling over us in the middle of the night half talking, half crying on her cell phone, “I don’t know. We were swerving all over the road..”

Like when my boyfriend at the time and his friends led me and my friend up the stairs at a house party. He shut the door on us right before we were about to walk in.

Like when my great aunt told me she felt I was ruining her marriage.

Like when my parents told me my decision to move far away from the midwest was a wrong decision and I began crying in a grocery store buffet lounge.

Like when I was a freshmen out for cross country and I saw two seniors puke their guts out on a Saturday morning practice.

Like a recent Friday afternoon when I walked into the janky office where I worked at the time, told my boss I quit, handed her everything I had been working on, and left.

Like when I lived in Hawaii and got approached at the beach by the most dreamiest of surfer boys.

Like when that same surfer boy told me I brush my teeth wrong.

Like watching my brother and dad play catch in the backyard and I wanted in. I said over here, and got a bloody nose from trying to catch the football.

Like leaving the bar with a dreamy boy I was crushing on, talking with each other as we walked home. He couldn’t take his eyes off me and ran right into a street light.


A Booger That Was Not Picked

I had an interview today. However, I just got a call from the company and they, “decided to pass.”

Am I upset? Yes.

Was it my dream job? No.

So, I ask myself, why am I so upset?

My best answer: I am confused as to what my dream job is. I don’t know what, who, or where I want to dedicate my day to.

Myself? My reading? My researching? My writing? My cooking?

I tell nearly everyone I meet, “going back to school to get a Ph. D is always in the back of my mind.”

So there’s that.

Maybe I am confusing myself. Maybe I am rushing myself.

For now, I will tell myself,  “Goos fra ba.”

Best Friend

My best friend from high school visited me for a day out here in Portland. She lives and works very hard in busy and big Chicago. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year or two, so needless to say we had lots to catch up on. 

I was a bit anxious the days prior to her arrival in my newfound home. I should point out I often get anxious due to visitors, but my best friend? I was surprised with myself. 

I thought it through (and thought it through some more).

I was anxious because each of our lives are and have been eagerly transformed around what we are passionate about. In cliche terms, we are in the beautiful process of “finding ourselves”. We are not the same inexperienced, 18 year old girls in small, parent (republican) opinionated, Iowa. 

We have our own opinions and experiences now. Which we both had the pleasure of learning about yesterday.

Cheers to lifelong friends, which we are continuously going to learn and grow from. 

Take a Look at Yourself

Day three being a vegan. I made 10 collard green falafel wraps with a cilantro pâté. A lot of sunflower seeds used. But good enough I was craving one when I got home from work today. I went on a 45 min. power walk with 15 min. stretches afterwards. A photographer was there shooting two young girls in flashy running gear. I thought about the hills and valleys of my health the past 5 years. How Hawaii was the best shape I’ve been in. How I was the most active there. And obviously caught the most amount of vitamin D. However, not the most rational when living island life.

Studying abroad for three months, I was the most sane, happy, me I’ve ever been. I may have just had a very large and questionable amount of red wine at the time too. 

And now, out of college, nearing 25, with an amazing, handsome, man who I love myself with and living in a beautiful, agricultural, liberal, growing city. 

Life is a beauty. 

Going Vegan.. And Mom Already Called to Ask Why

So it’s Day One of veganism. Nuts n grapes so far and it’s nearing noon.

Walking laps around Sexton Mountain Park.

Overcast heat. A small airplane flies by. JG coaches.

I bought a spaghetti squash. We cooked it 40min., perfect time for a sunset drink on the rooftop, met our new neighbors.

I grabbed a fork and told JG to watch, as I did as I saw in the   YouTube video, and added my sautéed mushrooms, garlic, onion and red peppers.

JG had oven roasted chicken atop his plate. And lunch leftovers the next day.
A Rookie Vegan