She Waited

Six years ago today I got the text.

Six years and one day ago she passed.

I was 19.

She was 27.

Second semester of my freshmen year of college just started.

I was in my dorm room working on Spanish homework.

Human bio went on without me while I stood by her side.

I never left her side.

Until a close friend surprised me.

He took me back to my dorm to shower.

I had been at the hospital for over 24 hours.

Then I got a call from my dad.

To hurry and come back.

We sped through red lights.

I ran past the front desk where I was supposed to sign in.

I frantically entered the room where she was.

Everyone else was calm.

I held her hand.


it happened.

She waited for me.



Busy and Not Busy

Downloading the Sallie Mae app.. so life is real

Two nights sober.. so life is definitely real

A coworker nearing tears telling me about a relationship issue

Entering to win tickets

Listening to new bands

Rain instead of snow

Still not over the gym fee

Financials on post-its

Late breakfast

No lunch

Food that tastes good but hurts later

Rereading Wuthering Heights for the third or fourth time

Staring at a computer screen for 8 hours a day

Putting off a haircut for months

Needing glasses

Easing into coworker relationships

When working solo

Happy Friday

Be Smarter than the Scam

I recently stopped in and got a “free” 3 day pass at a 24 Hour Fitness I walk by everyday on my way home from work. I enter quotes around ‘free’ because although I didn’t have to pay anything at the time, I did go through a 45 minute tour and questionnaire/sales pitch before I got the “free” pass. Besides the macho-talk with the recruiter, I liked the convenience of the location and all three days a treadmill was readily available for me. I got online to purchase a monthly membership today – $64.99! Get real! I will try and tough it through outdoor runs before I pay that much. Gotta be smarter than the scam. 

Thinking About a Detox

The holidays just passed, a nice long three day weekend. The boyfriend bought a bottle of bourbon to celebrate. I dabbled in it a bit, but I do try to stick to a strict red wine diet. Living in Oregon though, it’s tough to pass up on a craft beer happy hour.

I am turning to my recent drinking activity because I woke up this morning with a slight chest pain. I have woken up with this pain a few times now. After reading through some articles this morning, I think my drinking could be the cause.

As a healthy human nowadays, one is supposed to get the body moving, which I do (currently getting back into it the way I use to), not smoke, not over drink, eat healthy, according to this article.

With that list, my red wine seems to be the only issue. Clearly, I am being my own doctor, but trial and error is life when you’re twenty-five and not a fan of doctors.

So bye bye to my delicious gulps of red wine. I will miss you. But when it comes to my health, drastic changes are a must.

Stay healthy friends.

Sauna Thoughts

I had to get out of the apartment this morning. The boyfriend pointed out I may be a little tense. I made my way to the sauna in the basement of our building. I read a few pages, but more so wanted to think about why I was so noticeably tense. I thought it could be because I am the only person I know who is feeling this certain way about this celebrated holiday today, December 25. 

I have slowly stopped believing in religion and I’m not into materialistic things all that much, not enough to go purchase them for everyone I know. Clearly, my feelings in a nutshell about this “holiday”.

I started the season telling myself I’m just a bah-humbug this year, but as the day got closer and plans were denied in traveling across the nation to family or visa versa, I knew it was a deeper feeling inside me.  

Change of pace, someone drew this lovely image in the parking lot below my window which I got to wake up to this morning.


An Afternoon in a Virtual World 

I slept in my makeup and found myself tossing and turning for the past 3 hours. Probably because I couldn’t stop thinking about how I just spent the whole night smearing bronzer into my white pillow cases. 

Oh well, the events leading up to me passing out with my makeup on were a lot of fun. The boyfriend and I spent the afternoon and into the evening at Quarterworld. This is my third time gaming at an arcade and I never thought I would enjoy it so much. 

We played ski-ball, which I won at last time, but my partner picked up on how to win and toasted my ass. He then asked me to be his partner in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He was Leonardo, I was Donatello. I was yelling at the screen I was so into it! I never thought fighting off “bad guys” would be so much fun.

I had to take a seat after a few rounds and have him explain to me why that game is so addicting! He recalled his Halo and Call of Duty days, telling me all about how there is a story plot for each video game, along with an objective, other than just fighting off “bad guys”, and you get this feeling that you can beat the game so you keep going at it. This was all news to me. I didn’t know video games could be beat.

So I was taking this all in, sociologically thinking about all the youngins, and grown adults, who spend hour after hour in another world, a virtual world.

I could only take so much. We played a few more games of ski ball then bounced to get a vegan pizza and call it a night.

Away We Go

Today is my cleaning day. I woke up, put a pot of coffee on, and gathered up the detergent and our heaping pile of dirty laundry to be the first one down to the laundry room. 

I come back to the aparentment to find the boyfriend FaceTiming. I mumble who the fuck is that, kind of kidding, kind of not. At least everyone he FaceTimes is pretty funny, so when I listen to both sides of the conversation it’s usually a good time. Although, a choice to listen would be nice, but due to our wonderful studio apartment, not so possible.  

However, we are working on a little curtain separatertor. We started last Sunday. We used ribbon instead of a pole to support the curtain. That didn’t work. 

Hopefully by the end of this three day weekend we will have a bit of privacy. 

I don't know much, just trying to know me